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 Ranger Joe Rooney: MONNNNNNTANA

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Crimson Skull
Main Event
Main Event
Crimson Skull

Number of posts : 213
Age : 30
Registration date : 2006-11-02

Wrestler Info
Alignment: Heel
PostSubject: Ranger Joe Rooney: MONNNNNNTANA   March 10th 2007, 6:15 am

“For this week’s Where Are They Now…I decided to continue with another member of the Three AmiJoes. This week, I meet up with Ranger Joe Rooney. Though, while in his time, Joe Rooney was a beloved character. His messages touched the hearts of many young children and many parents, for he was truly kind soul….Do I seriously have to read all this shit? I mean come on, can’t just put it into my own terms, at least the guy wouldn’t sound like a complete puss.”

A director walks over to Skull and whispers something in his ear. Skull sighs and flips him off.

“Anyways, Joe Rooney would have made a great in-ring performer if he had stayed longer. But like Joe Lancaster, he disappeared mysteriously. Ranger Joe was probably most famous for his life lessons he would always teach, and that one-liner he always would use. If I heard another story about a squirrel or a raccoon that could talk to Ranger Joe, I would have killed myself back in those days. But I took it upon myself to travel to…MONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTANA”

Skull waves his arm in the air as he says it.

“God, I hate that man sometimes….but anyways, here is how the interview took place.”

The video is switched over to Crimson Skull riding up a bumpy dirt road in a green ranger jeep. The road winds like the roads were made by a drunken man. The jeep is speeding pretty fast down these roads, and suddenly it screeches to stop, sliding sideways as it does so. The rangers hop out as the camera shows Ranger Joe standing off against a mother grizzly bear. Joe has his sleeves rolled up and his clothes are tattered and torn. The bear is standing on its hind legs swiping at Joe as he circles the bear.

Joe: Damn it Betsy, you have to quit being so vicious so much. Now settle down and let me put a sleeper on you, then we can take you back your cave.

The bear swats at Joe, this time connecting as Joe leaps in and tries to leap on the bear’s back. The two square off as Joe seems to have the bear in the sleeper, but the bear shakes him off. The bear then pins Joe down against the ground. Suddenly, the bear is booted in the side of the head as it gets knocked out by a big boot from Skull. The rest of the rangers pull their guns on Skull as he puts his hands in the air.

Ranger 1: He who uses force and harm upon animals is an animal himself

Skull: The fuck is your problem? That bear was about to kill him!

Joe: No, it was simply defending its cub.

Skull: Then where is the cub?

Joe pulls out a napkin and dabs at his eye. He points in front of his jeep. There is a body of a cub in front of it.

Joe: Little Willie just ran out in the road, I didn’t see him in time. Its such a sad thing to happen.

Skull: It’s a fucking bear…

Joe gets enraged and lunges at Skull but is held back by the other rangers.

Skull: Take it easy there Grizzly Adams. I am only joking, now are we going to get that interview done or what?

Joe: I guess we could. Oh, I almost forgot…Welcome to MONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTANA!

Skull: I am going to have to ask you to refrain from saying that.

Joe: Why, isn’t MONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTANA the most beautiful place. I just love it here in MONNNNNNNNNNNNNNTANA, it’s a great state. There’s no better place than MONNNNNNNNNNNNTANA-.”

Skull grabs Joe by the shirt collar and lifts him up.

Skull: The next time you elongate the word Montana, I am going to shorten your life span.

Skull sets Joe down as he motions for Skull to get in the jeep. Joe pulls forward and drives over the cub’s body. Soon the two are driving down the country road.

Skull: So why did you leave the JWF in the first place?

Joe: So I could come back to wonderful MON….umm…here, I came back here.

Skull: Just became a full time Ranger? If you had the chance would you get back in the wrestling business?

Joe: Well, you see Timmy. Wrestling is a very dangerous sport. It has a high risk of injury. Now, good ole Ranger Joe isn’t afraid of injury, but I wouldn’t want any of the other little rangers being inspired by me and starting to be wrestlers.

Skull: My name isn’t Timmy. But anyways, what was your favorite thing about the JWF?

Joe: Ok, Johnny. Well, my favorite thing about the JWF….was probably how much it let me come back to MO….umm…..it gave me a lot of time to come back home and be with the friendly critters of this forest here.

Joe slams on the brakes of the jeep as Skull flies forward and his head slams into the dashboard. Ranger Joe hops out of the jeep and runs to the road, he lays down and begins examining some rare bug that is crawling in the middle of the road. Skull is cursing very loudly and angrily. Skull gets out of the jeep, while holding his nose he walks over to Joe, not watching where he steps.

Skull: What the fuck is your problem? I didn’t even have my seatbelt on, and you just slam on the brakes for no apparent reason?

Joe: NO THERE IS A RARE BUG HERE TRYING TO CROSS THE ROAD WATCH WHERE YOU STEP ITS HARD TO *crunch*……see…..never mind, you stepped on it…little by little, you are disrupting my forest. And you increased your injury rate by 97% by not wearing your seatbelt. Now you know thanks to Ranger Joe!

Joe tips his hat. Skull sighs.

Skull: Disrupting your forest? You are little by little disrupting my sanity. And for a minute ago, my name isn’t Johnny.

Joe shushes Skull and points down the road. A peacock is walking in the middle of the road.

Skull: What in the hell? I didn’t think there were peacocks in Montana?

Joe shushes Skull as he stands up and slinks over quietly towards the unsuspecting peacock. Joe gets within about five feet of the peacock, and the peacock is busted in the side of the head with a rock, the peacock plops over. Joe looks at the peacock shocked and turns and looks at Skull angrily. Skull looks surprised and looks around. Skull then points at a squirrel sitting on the hood of the Jeep. Joe storms over to Skull, rolling up his sleeves. Skull is laughing as Joe punches Skull. Skull stops laughing and looks at Joe with amusement. Skull grabs the squirrel and Hellhound Slams Joe onto the hood of the jeep. Skull takes the squirrel and shoves him into the pants of Joe Rooney. Skull slaps at the squirrel inside Joe’s pants, making it angry as it chatters and begins going crazy inside Joe’s pants. Skull walks away. He looks at the camera one last time.

Skull: You, know….I am never going to be able to stand any of these guys to do an interview….no wonder they didn’t last here.

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